The Boathouse, Kilsyth, Scotland

If you opened a restaurant would you focus on a particular cuisine or style of cooking, then design your menus around that? If you intended to serve classic, well known dishes, would you take the time to research and understand those dishes? You might want to experiment with them, sometimes a novel take on a favourite can be a good thing, but hopefully you'd want to retain the essence of what made it a classic in the first place. A shepherd's pie isn't a shepherd's pie without the interplay between rich, gravy bound meat and smooth, buttery potato.

Or would you create a menu loosely based around every food fad and trend that's popped up over the last couple of years? Would you stick a load of renowned dishes on the menu, irrespective of whether you had any idea what made them so renowned in the first place? Sounds good, bung it on the list, they'll lap it up.

At the Boathouse you can start with cullen skink, haggis or Stornoway black pudding, but also tempura, buffalo wings or pork taquitos. There's also a list of tapas, and a specials menu where there are no starters or mains, only small and large plates.

For your main course you can choose Cajun, or Mexican, or Scottish, or American, or Indian, or French, or Italian. There's barbecue and burgers and pasta and curry. Intriguing. Could they possibly turn out such a hotchpotch of food successfully? In a word, no.

Buffalo wings for starters. Buffalo wing sauce, as two minutes research on the internet will tell you, has two ingredients. A vinegar based hot chilli sauce (Frank's being the favoured brand) and butter. At the Boathouse they forgot the butter, which is pretty slack given that it's one of only two ingredients.

Buffalo wings done right are highly addictive. Messy, crisp-skinned, hot, tangy, rich, buttery and utterly bloody delicious. If you coat your wings in something pappy, bready and tasteless, then fry them until they're not very crisp, then cover them in vinegary hot sauce but no butter, they are not utterly delicious. Far from it.

Things would improve with Toulouse sausage, chorizo and bean cassoulet wouldn't they? I was slightly concerned at the presence of chorizo, but why not I suppose. A mix and match approach to the meat content is normal with a cassoulet isn't it? It'll still be a big hearty pot of slow cooked meats and white beans.

No it won't. It'll be a watery tomato stew with a few kidney beans and chunks of cheap chorizo in it, with a sausage on top. I could have a fair guess at the cooking process and ingredients for this: chop an onion and some garlic, fry for a bit, chuck in a tin of tomatoes and a stock cube. Chuck in some bits of chorizo, some sliced mushrooms and peppers and some kidney beans. Cook for twenty minutes or so.

It wasn't unpleasant, it just was boring, half arsed and not a cassoulet. Still, at least I got some greasy toast and manky rocket as a garnish.

I had room for pudding, so thought I'd see whether the creme brulee was a creme brulee. Happily it was, and the addition of a few raspberries was a good touch. It didn't really need the accompanying ice cream but that was nice too.

Maybe I was unlucky, perhaps other things on the menu are better. Maybe their pulled pork and tandoori and tempura are the business. Sadly I doubt it very much. I just don't get places like this, various pub chains are the worst offenders, but the Boathouse is one of a group of just two.

It's probably very successful, people seem to like the cover all bases approach, there's 'plenty of choice' and 'something for everyone'.  But what's the point in having so many choices if they're not done properly or just plain rubbish?

Service was fine throughout and three courses with a glass of passable red was about £27. The hotel rooms are pleasant and good value.

3/10

Auchinstarry Marina
Kilsyth
Scotland
G65 9SG

boathousekilsyth.com

Bacon Sandwich Quest: June

Bacon! Coming at ya! I'm on the ball this month. No dilly dallying until the second week of July for June's porcine instalment. Here it is you lucky people.

There were two bacon sarnies in the month. I got off to a flyer with back to back butties in week one, then failed miserably to push on from there. Weak.

The source of this little beauty: Cumbernauld's very own Old Inns Café. The bacon rolls in Scotland are different. The bread is usually crustier, more chew and heft than you'll get in England. Maybe it's the auld alliance at work. Whatever the reason, I like it. The sturdier bread matches the powerful bacon hit within. It's smoked, and coarsely cut, and delicious.

Sauce bottles are provided allowing you to dispense your own perfect measure, and uniquely Scots accompaniments are available should you wish. The tattie scone carb double whammy being a particular favourite of mine.

Service here is also far cheerier than you could reasonably expect from some blokes who spend their life in a wooden hut in the corner of a garage forecourt next to a motorway in a town once voted Britain's ugliest. Excellent, but not enough to knock me off number one spot. £2.20 for the straight bacon.

And this one: Westmorland Farm Shops at Tebay services on the M6. It flatters to deceive a little this place. The quality of the food is markedly better than at most motorway service stations, but that only means it's not completely shite, and not that it's actually much good.

An 'any two breakfast items' sandwich costs £3.95, and isn't really worth it. The bun was a bit stale as well as being too small, and the portion control isn't really designed with construction of a sensible sandwich in mind. Not enough bread, not quite enough bacon and a year's supply of mushrooms. I exaggerate but you get the idea. Good bacon and mushrooms though.

Leaderboard time:

Northern Food on tour: Scotland round-up

Nothing we ate on our recent trip to Scotland was as exciting as our dinner at Wedgwood, but we didn't do badly. Here's what else we ate.

Espresso Mondo, Edinburgh

A late lunch on arrival in Edinburgh. The cafe was a bit scruffy but they had a nice line in loose leaf teas and coffee.

They made a nice brew but the food was less successful. A chicken panino with peppers, pesto and mozarella wasn't great. The chicken tasted low grade and processed and the accompanying salad was boring. Whoever decided dribbling catering pack balsamic glaze onto tortilla chips was a good idea wants sacking too. Reasonably priced for Edinburgh.

5/10

116 Lothian Road
Edinburgh
EH3 9BE


Paperino's, West End, Glasgow

After the previous night's posh dinner we decided to lower the tone a little in Glasgow. Pizza and ice cream please!

The pizzas at Paperino's were pretty good, with a decent chewy-charred crust and quality toppings. The sausage on mine was lovely, coarse and spicy with loads of fennel.

Both of them were overtopped though. There is such thing as too much cheese and sausage on a pizza, there really is. Less can be more. Still, after scraping off some of the excess they went down a treat.

It's a quick, casual place, not really somewhere to linger but worth it for the pizza, for which prices are reasonable (around the £9 mark). Mark ups on side dishes and drinks let the side down though. £2.95 doesn't sound bad for a side salad, but it's poor for a side salad consisting of not very much of nothing remotely interesting, and a pint of Peroni shouldn't cost £4.65.

7/10 if you stick to pizza and tap water. Knock a point off if salad and booze is included.

227 Byres Road
Glasgow
G12 8UD

http://www.paperinos.co.uk/





Nardini's, West End, Glasgow

Thanks (I think) to a large Italian immigrant population, many of whom set up business in the catering industry back in the day, Scotland, and Glasgow in particular is well endowed with pizza restaurants, caffs serving proper coffee and ice cream parlours.

This is a novel concept to residents of Yorkshire cities, which last time I noticed weren't particularly well stocked with ice cream parlours (If I'm wrong please do tell), so we had to follow up the pizza with a ridiculous dirty great ice cream sundae.

I can't remember the name of this, but it comprised raspberry syrup, raspberries and vanilla ice cream topped with an unfeasibly large quantity of whipped cream with three chocolate marshmallow snowballs shoved in it, and an assortment of wafers. Ace.

I think it cost about £6, but it served two with ease. Although I think I had most of it.

8/10

215 Byres Road
Glasgow
G12 8UD

http://www.nardinis.co.uk/ 




Avenue G, West End, Glasgow

Excellent coffee. A flat white was up there with those from my favourite coffee shops. Exceptionally smooth with quite a pronounced bitterness. Somehow still balanced though, delicious.

Toasted brioche was ok but slightly let down by the cheap butter and jam it was served with. The sandwiches and cakes looked very good though.

£2.20 for the flat white. Similar for tea. Cakes around £3. Table service, efficient and friendly.

8/10

291 Byres Road
Glasgow
G12 8TL

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Avenue-G-Caf%C3%A9-Glasgow/223293021018108




Curler's Rest, West End, Glasgow

I liked the look of the Curler's Rest, a tarted up pub on Byres Road. Bare wooden tables, plenty of space, a few good beers on draft, a pleasing enough but strangely familiar sounding menu.

Then I took a look at the website and discovered a new phenomenon. I'm calling it the 'stealth chain'. A pub run by a large corporation, with the same style and the same food as others run by the same large corporation. A chain pub. The difference being that said large corporation doesn't want you to know that it's a chain pub, because it's not aimed at people who like chain pubs.

I looked at the website (here it is: http://www.thecurlersrestglasgow.co.uk/food/) and immediately thought 'I've seen that before'.

Then I remembered: The Adelphi (http://www.theadelphileeds.co.uk/food/). AS thought it looked familiar too. Then she remembered: The Lescar (http://www.thelescarhuntersbar.co.uk/food/).

A couple of days later I was searching for somewhere good to eat in the vicinity of Waterloo station when I chanced upon the White Hart website: http://www.thewhitehartwaterloo.co.uk/food/.

So that's at least four not obviously chain pubs in four different cities spread over four hundred miles with virtually identical menus and the same photo of roast beef on their websites. Thanks Mitchells and Butlers you sly bastards.

Anyhow this is a subject to which I may return, but what of the food at the Curler's Rest? It started off wonderfully. After three courses with three wines, then pizza and ice cream, the last night of our break was supposed to be healthier. I accidentally couldn't resist ordering battered black pudding from the bar snacks list though. Oops.

It was worth the calories though. Nuggets of soft peppery pudding encased in a marvellously light crisp batter.

Things went rapidly downhill with the wild salmon fishcakes. They were alright, well flavoured but a bit claggy texture-wise. The accompanying salad was supposed to be little gem and beetroot, which it did contain, but not in such significant quantities as the other stuff that fell out of the salad bag (slightly slimy tasteless watercress mainly).

AS also had a salad; - halloumi, cous cous and whatnot in a spicy dressing. She liked it but it looked to be suffering from the same slimy salad affliction from where I was sitting.

We paid around £33 including a couple of alcoholic drinks each. The service was lovely.

6/10 (would have been less but for the black pudding)

256-260 Byres Road
Glasgow
G12 8SH

Wedgwood the Restaurant, Edinburgh

I wanted to find somewhere for a special meal in Edinburgh. Nothing too formal or ridiculously expensive but somewhere to enjoy a long leisurely dinner, three courses and plenty of wine.

My first couple of choices were out as we'd be in town on a Monday and they'd be closed. A spot of random internet browsing brought Wedgwood to my attention, and I was immediately attracted to their promise of fine dining without the pretentiousness, no table turning and a menu that read wonderfully well.

We were seated in the basement level dining room, a small, simple space given the impression of roominess by the mirror covering the entirety of the back wall. It was rather dark down there though, hence the atrocious photos in this post.

Good quality bread with a herb oil started things off nicely, as did a half bottle of a lovely ripe tasting Rias Baixas Albariño from a list with several wines by the glass as well as a few half bottles.

I began with nettle soup, poached quail's egg, blue cheese, crispy nettles. The soup was smooth, green, and enlivened by little bursts of tart creaminess from the cheese. I enjoyed this, though it was a little unexciting in comparison with the dish across the table.

AS had the stir fried shredded beef fillet, pear, rocket and spring onion salad, thai sesame and honey dressing. I tend to avoid Asian themed dishes in non-Asian restaurants, finding that they're rarely worth the effort. Underseasoned, unbalanced or just plain wrong. This wasn't. On the basis of the one mouthful that I ate it was utterly divine. Finely shredded almost tartare like beef, almost raw in the centre with just the hint of a browned crust adding savour, and a beautiful delicate, sweet nutty dressing. I'd gladly return to Edinburgh just for a plateful of this.

After the starters a palate cleanser arrived that was a contender for highlight of the entire meal. A shot glass containing raspberry puree and lime sorbet topped up with elderflower champagne and a raspberry. Amazing. A depth charge of bright, fragrant fruitiness. I love raspberries and I love elderflower so this was just a dream. 

It was a close run thing, but I reckon I won the mains. Wild scottish deer, creamed leeks, venison haggis, beetroot, basil pesto, truffle jus. This was the best piece of meat I've eaten in a long time. Seared perfectly on the outside and dark ruby red on the inside it was tender and deeply savoury. Combined with the haggis and truffle jus the whole was earthy, rich, very more-ish, and paired excellently with a peppery Rioja. I couldn't detect any flavour of basil but I'm not sure that I needed to.

Crusted mutton loin, braised neck, truffled goats cheese dauphinoise, nettle sauce, black pudding was also declared a resounding success. I didn't try enough of it to form an opinion, except for the black pudding which ended up on my plate, and that was delicious.

For pudding I went traditional; - very sticky toffee pudding with Caol Ila butterscotch. If I was being picky I'd point out that it wasn't actually that sticky, but that's an irrelevance as it was very good. Sweet and rich without being cloying, and served simply with top quality vanilla ice cream.

AS had the rhubarb and custard crème brulee, orange and ginger granita, rosemary syrup. I've no idea what this was like, so engrossed was I in my sticky toffee I didn't pay it much attention. There were no complaints so presumably it was good.

We shared a single glass of dessert wine that was offered to us in two separate glasses without our asking, and certainly ended up with more than the single 125ml measure that we'd ordered. This was consistent with the service we received all evening, which was completely faultless as far as I'm concerned. Friendly, unpretentious, attentive without being obtrusive.

Including service we paid £125 in total, not cheap but entirely good value for the standard of cooking and service. Bearing in mind that over £40 of that was on wine you could eat here for considerably less than that. Excellent, highly recommended.

9/10

Royal Mile
267 Canongate
Edinburgh
EH8 8BQ

http://www.wedgwoodtherestaurant.co.uk/

BarMC and Grill, Abode Hotel, Glasgow

At last a half decent hotel restaurant meal. I had high hopes for this one. I've never eaten in any of the restaurants that Michael Caines puts his name to, but had a general impression that he was a famous Chef who hadn't completely cashed in at the altar of celebrity. No embarassing endorsements, only intermittently on the telly, a two-michelin starred gaff that he might actually cook in himself and a small chain of hotel restaurants that seem to garner generally positive reviews for the food.

The Glasgow outpost is one of the more casually branded, bar and grill rather than restaurant, which is a fair description of the place in practice. It looked like they were definitely aiming for the weekend drinking market;- plenty of standing room, dimly lit with neon edges, dance tunes on in the background and drinks offers displayed prominently. All fine on a quiet Wednesday night but probably not much fun for a weekend meal.

The menu differed from the one on the website, suggesting it does get changed frequently, and was also short. I've never had potted shrimps before, so was pleased to see them on the menu. I've heard the dish described enough times to know this was a classic rendition. Tiny sweet brown shrimps, spiced with a little mace and set in clarified butter;- scooped onto delicate toast they were really good. A little more lemon juice would have been good though to give the flavours a lift.

Cod with chorizo and chickpeas in a tomato and mussel broth was pleasant, but not as described. The fish was nicely cooked and worked well with the broth which seemed to be flavoured only with the chorizo and tomatoes. There were definitely no chickpeas and I couldn't detect any mussel flavour in the broth. If mussels were involved I'd imagine they would have served a few in the dish too, there'd be no point releasing their juices to flavour the sauce then throwing the meat away. In place of mussels and chickpeas were vegetables, harmless enough but not adding anything to the dish particularly in the case of some mushy bits of broccoli.

The first two courses were moderately sized so I had room for dessert. The million dollar question where any chocolate fondant is concerned (as played out on Masterchef about twice a week for the last several years) is can they time it right so the insides are molten and lovely? In this case, yes. The fondant was very good but I wasn't a huge fan of the accompanying pain d'épices (spice bread) ice-cream which was too strong on the cinnamon for my taste. I'd have preferred something a little cleaner tasting to offset the richness of the chocolate (vanilla suits me fine). It was a good ice-cream though, and a subtle seasonal touch on the menu.

Overall I enjoyed this meal, it wasn't brilliant but each course had good points and it was far better than is often the case in mid-range hotel restaurants. Service was friendly and efficient, and prices are reasonable by hotel standards. Three courses with a large glass of wine will set you back around £30-£35 including service.

7/10

Abode Glasgow
129 Bath Street
Glasgow
G2 2SZ

http://www.michaelcaines.com/barmc-and-grill/glasgow