Dispatches from Lincolnshire

I spent six days last month working in Lincolnshire; in Grantham, Boston and Lincoln. It's not a part of the world I know very well but armed with recommendations from helpful twitterers I managed to eat quite well. Here's what I ate in Boston and Lincoln.

Bizzarro, Boston

Bizzarro came recommended as 'the only decent place to eat in Boston'. I've no idea whether that's true or not, but it definitely was decent and a stroll round the streets didn't offer up much in the way of obvious competition.

It's an Italian restaurant with several dining rooms in a very old building in the historic part of town. There was a slightly eccentric air to the place, one the one hand it was fairly formal with starched linen tablecloths and top notch cutlery, on the other it seemed a little ramshackle (half the plaster seemed to have fallen off the wall on the staircase). Either way it was friendly and welcoming and I liked it.

We shared some nibbly bits and pieces with bread to start (these were rare work trips where I wasn't alone, making the dining out bit much more fun); olives, cheese stuffed peppers and balsamic pickled onions. All solid stuff and a cut above basic catering pack standard.

I had stuffed breast of lamb to follow, which was predictably fatty but delicious. The minced lamb, apricot and pine nut stuffing was too sweet for my tastes though, being a little too heavy on the apricots. The meal didn't come plated as pictured by the way, that's after I'd added vegetables from the generous and well cooked selection provided separately. The porchetta across the table was also declared a success.

Service was friendly and efficient and it's good value as well. Mains range from £10 to £18 including more roast potatoes and vegetables than you could eat, and the house wine is just £2.50 a glass. Nothing mindblowing but just the sort of reliable place you could return to again and again for a good meal.

7/10

23 Wormgate
Boston
Lincolnshire
PE21 6NR

www.bizzarro.biz


The Tower Hotel, Lincoln

I'm sure Lincoln probably has plenty to offer food-wise, but this time we didn't make it out of the hotel. That was a least partly intentional, as a bit of advance research suggested the place had a good reputation for food. We ate in the bar but there's also a more formal restaurant.

A few nibbles to kick things off again. Olives, sun-dried tomatoes and some very more-ish cumin roasted nuts.

Roast squash soup was very smooth and sweet, but just a little watery. I'm afraid I can't recall what the red stuff was, but it didn't taste of anything much (extra sweetness maybe?).

My dining companion's starter was better; - a confit chicken, savoy cabbage and chestnut spring roll. I'd have really enjoyed eating this in the depths of winter. The filling was moist and tasty, the skin crisp and greaseless. It was in essence a big, crunchy festive tasting roast dinner pie tube.

Next up was the rather complicated sounding burger (6oz Hand-made Minced Lincolnshire Beef Burger, Toasted Muffin, Rustic Chips, Stilton Mayonnaise, White Onion Marmalade, Sautéed Mushrooms, Celeriac Remoulade) which could have been great, but wasn't.

I'd asked how the burger would be cooked, and was told medium so left it at that. It arrived well done with just a tiny hint of pink remaining in the middle, rendering it a bit dense and rubbery. A shame really as the meat was good quality, with a good beefy flavour discernable above the strong tasting accompaniments. The stilton mayo and onion marmalade were very good though, with very sweet onions and the rich, cheesy mayo adding tanginess and a bit of astringency. The chips were just ok.

Service here was fine and the bar area lively and obviously popular not just with hotel residents. Prices are probably about average for higher end pub type food (the burger was £10.50). Everything we ate was good quality but the execution was a little hit and miss.

6/10

38 Westgate
Lincoln
LN1 3BD

www.lincolntowerhotel.co.uk

Oak Farm Hotel, Cannock, Staffordshire

In the unlikely event that you're ever looking for a cheap-ish hotel on the outskirts of Cannock or Wolverhampton you could do much worse than the Oak Farm. The rooms are pleasant and have recently been refreshed. They make good chips. Just don't order a salad.

This crab salad, from the Specials board, had four ingredients. They were: tinned crab meat, red onion, leaves from a bag of mixed leaves, tomato. It wasn't special. It was bloody awful. No seasoning. No dressing. Not even a squeeze of lemon. Just some tasteless crab mush, some tasteless leaves, some tasteless mealy tomatoes, and lots of tasty red onion. The overall impression was of slightly briny red onion served with a variety of unpleasant textures. Oh dear.

I wasn't really looking forward to my gammon after that. But what do you know it was a bit bloody good. Of immense proportions, around 3/4 of a pig at my best estimate, salty but not overly so, nicely cooked with just the right amount of bite and chew. Chips were home made, maybe a little bit chunky but properly crisp and fluffy within. The egg was dippable. The leaves on the side were as per the starter, no dressing, no seasoning etc.

No problems with the service, and the bill came to around £17 with a glass of (shit) Chilean merlot. Stick to meat and chips and you'll do fine. The chef must be a salad dodger. You don't win friends with salad anyway.

4/10 (1/10 for the salad, 7/10 for the gammon)


Watling Street
Cannock
WS11 1SB

http://www.oakfarmhotel.com/

Scholars Restaurant, Barcelo Stirling Highland Hotel, Stirling

Someone in Stirling has got a nasty case of cheffy-itis. Hotels seem to attract chefs with this particular ailment. The most obvious symptom is a tendency to favour ridiculous presentation at the expense of sound cooking skills, which in turn causes the secondary symptom of charging far too much money for mediocre food. Last week during a work trip to Scotland I encountered a particularly serious case.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you scallops with Parmesan risotto, ham hock and pea puree. Before we tackle the food itself, let's discuss the vessel upon which it rests. It was a polished black marble tile, reminiscent of what you might find on the toilet walls in a glammed up Indian restaurant. Personally I'd have preferred a plate. Polished tiles don't tend to hold sauces very well.

The food, to be fair, wasn't all actively bad. Both scallops and risotto were reasonably well cooked, but the whole thing was too salty. The chunks of ham hock were salty, the risotto was salty, the bacon antenna (maybe I wasn't supposed to eat it?) sticking out of the risotto was very salty, and the pea puree was very salty indeed. Fortunately there wasn't very much of the pea puree, which could be best described as a pea wet skid mark on the right hand side of the tile. I'm not sure what the sauce on the scallops was, perhaps it was supposed to be a foam. Whatever it was it had split, resulting in unappetising fatty globules and watery patches shimmering on the tile as if someone were mopping it down at the end of the night. All told a bit of a mess.

I should note at this point that not everyones dinner was being served on a tile. Other people were getting plates. I can only assume the tiles must have been reserved for the specials, from which list my scallops were ordered. Those lucky enough to receive their dinner on a plate, however, were also lucky enough to have their dinner brought to the table under a cloche! Yes that is one of those big silver domes, as if this were dinner with the Queen.

Unfortunately the tiles made a return at dessert. A whisky cheesecake with bourbon soaked strawberries didn't contain any discernable whisky or bourbon, which was probably a good thing. I'm not sure what the strawberry (for there was only one, hiding at the back) had been soaked in, but it was so wizened it must have been soaked in it a long time ago. The cheesecake base was also past its best, being soft and mushy. No-one likes a soggy biscuit. The cheesecake filling was actually rather nice, being light and creamy.

Prices, as you might expect, were high. The two courses, a glass of crap wine and a small tip topped out at over thirty quid. The service was fine.

Why do so many hotels do this? It's as if there's a special checklist for rubbish hotel restaurants. Overpriced? Check. Overwrought, silly presentation? Check. Mediocre food? Check. Pointless service fripperies? Check.

Here's an alternative idea. How about: buy some good food, cook it properly, put it on a plate, bring it to me, charge me a fair price for it. Maybe one day it will catch on. Unfortunately I fear that's wishful thinking. Too many expense accounts, too many people are easily impressed, too captive an audience. I met two of those three criteria. I won't eat there again, but once is enough to keep the coffers ticking over.

4/10

Barcelo Stirling Highland Hotel
Spittal Street
Stirling
FK8 1DU

p.s. for an even worse hotel meal see here.

Terraces Hotel, Stirling, Scotland

I've just returned from a two night stay for work in Stirling, a rather attractive little city in central Scotland. Nothing much to report on the eating out front, Monday night I dined at a predictably poor chinese buffet restaurant, and last night I ended up in McDonalds (I was running late for the football, and couldn't find a pub with food and big screen TV). That's probably not a fair reflection of what Stirling has to offer, but sometimes dining alone in a deserted restaurant is too depressing to contemplate. Cold, wet Monday evenings in early March, in a small place, are not generally conducive to a lively atmosphere.

The breakfast offerings at my hotel are worth a quick post though. The Terraces is a fairly small, cheap townhouse hotel, the kind of place that can be a bit Fawlty Towers if you're unlucky. Fortunately it was much better than that, the rooms were spacious and clean, the staff were friendly without being overbearing, and the breakfasts were cooked to order. This morning I chose poached eggs, black pudding and potato scone.

The black pudding was great, lean and peppery with plenty of oatmeal. The egg yolks were runny as they should be, and the potato scone made a good alternative to toast. Toast on the side was rubbish though, as it was made with very cheap sliced bread. Buy better bread please and your breakfasts could be fantastic!

7/10


4 Melville Terrace
Stirling
FK8 2ND

http://www.terraceshotel.co.uk/index.html

Crab and Lobster, Asenby, North Yorkshire

Today I met up with my sister and future brother-in-law for a long, leisurely lunch. We went to The Crab and Lobster, a North Yorkshire restaurant (it possibly just about classes as a pub, it does have a bar) specialising in seafood. I hadn't been there before, but had heard of it. It's been around for years and has become a bit of a Yorkshire institution with a good reputation.

Not normally a strong point of mine as I tend to focus on my food rather than the surroundings, but first a note on the decor. This place is eccentric to say the least. The main dining areas are kitted out in a sort of nautical theme, with fishing nets adorning the ceilings and even an entire vintage diving suit in situ. Some parts seem to veer off from this into a sort of 1920's opium den or speakeasy sort of vibe, with chinese patterned screens, hats and musical instruments adorning shelves and walls. The gents toilets win the prize for most bonkers of all, being entirely kitted out with photo's and paintings of Marilyn Monroe accompanied by actual real-life bra's and knickers hanging from the walls. Not sexy ones either, just plain white cotton smalls. All in all I rather liked it, mad but suggesting a place that doesn't take itself too seriously. Sometimes more upmarket, rural pub restaurants can be a bit po-faced. Not the Crab and Lobster.

Back to the food. The original intention was to order from the set menu (£18 for three courses) but it turns out that Sunday is the only day they don't serve this on, so a la carte it was. The menu is a mixture of classic dishes (fish soup, lobster thermidor, steak and chips etc) and some more ambitious sounding stuff (Grilled Fresh Local Halibut, Cauliflower & Almond Puree, Tomato, Asparagus Seared King Scallops, Lobster Bisque sounded good). I chose the fish soup, followed by fish and chips.

Pints or halves of well kept Best Bitter from local brewery Nick Stafford's Hambleton Ales went down nicely while we were waiting. The bread basket promptly arrived, and was excellent. Three different breads, one granary, one white with a cheese crust, and one dark with walnuts. The dark bread was my favourite, almost like a very nutty malt loaf. The accompanying butter was unsalted and creamy.

The fish soup was served the classic french way, with croutes, rouille, and Gruyere cheese. It was a delight to eat, the rich red soup having a good stock base and being chock full of salmon, mussels, prawns and scallops. The addition of all the cheese and rouille made it very rich, and a struggle to finish, but I just about managed it with strings of cheese dribbling down my chin. My sister's mussels (in a cream sauce with bacon and cabbage) were also noteworthy. Good plump specimens, not at all gritty.

After the fish soup, my main course was a little bit disappointing (probably also a poor choice after such a substantial starter). The fish was a good chunky fillet of haddock cooked just right, but the batter was too thick and rather stodgy. The mushy peas were dry and claggy, and would have been fine if let down a bit. The chips however, were excellent with very crisp exteriors and soft fluffy centres. The tartare sauce was also very nice.

Having ordered such substantial starters and mains, there was little room left for pudding so we ordered one to share between the three of us, a lemon meringue pie with raspberries. They were back on the top form of the starters with this, it was very, very good. Perfect balance of sweetness and tartness between the lemon filling and the meringue, and the pastry case was light and buttery. The raspberries on the side were more than just garnish, having the strongest, deep, tart raspberry flavour of any I can recall eating. No mean feat in February, I think they must have been macerated in some sort of raspberry syrup or liqueur.

In summary I liked this place a lot, on the whole it was very good. The fish soup was a particular highlight. It's expensive, 3 courses with service but no booze will set you back about thirty quid, but the set menu at £18 would represent great value. To add to the fun on a Sunday you get serenaded by a man with a banjo in a technicolour suit, who goes by the name of Richard Muttonchops, ably accompanied by his mate on sax. Apparently they play free jazz. Told you it was bonkers.


8/10

Crab & Lobster
Dishforth Road
Asenby
Thirsk
North Yorkshire
YO7 3QL
http://www.crabandlobster.co.uk/
http://www.hambletonales.co.uk/
http://www.muttonchops.org/

Club Bar & Grill, The Westerwood Hotel, Cumbernauld, Scotland

I travel away for work fairly often, and a recent restructure has extended my patch to Cumbernauld in Scotland  for the first time. I always try a few different hotels if it's an area I'll be returning to fairly frequently, and if nothing comes up trumps I end up back in a Premier Inn (reliably good, clean rooms/reliably good breakfast options/reliably rubbish evening food). First up in the Cumbernauld area on recommendation of a colleague - The Westerwood. It's one of those big corporatey/conferencey/golf spa type places but not all in a bad way. The rooms are rather lovely so if this were a hotel review blog it would rate quite highly. Unfortunately it's not.

The Club Bar & Grill (big, bland, corporatey, conferencey) was serving meals to an array of lost souls wondering what they were doing there on a Monday night. Or at least I was anyway. On perusing the menu I was foolishly lured in by the description of 30 day dry aged Orkney beef. I should have known better. These corporatey,conferencey,golf spa type places often have menu descriptions that flatter to deceive, I know this from experience. And so it proved.

Steak: rubbish

Rib eye steak, chips and tomato (£19.95) and an accompanying house salad (£2.50) were rubbish in just about every way. The steak was a damp, greyish, flabby specimen, with little flavour beyond salt. It had been cooked unevenly despite being uniformly thin (the alleged 200g weight seemed unlikely) so that one side was medium-well whereas the other end was the requested rare. The chips looked promising, but had somehow gone horribly wrong. They were a lovely deep brown colour, promising crispness, but in practice offered greasy limpness. I have no idea how they managed this, the only thing I can think is that they were fried to well done earlier in the day and then refried in oil that wasn't hot enough. The tomato was pointless. The side salad appeared to be dressed, as it had a sort of glossy sheen to it, but I've no idea what with as there was no discernable flavour. The bag of leaves it came from had probably been open some time as the cut ones were browning at the edges. Any redeeming features? No problems with the service and a glass of Malbec was fine.

A pretty terrible experience all told. If that steak was burning a £20 hole in my own pocket I would not be a happy bunny. Onwards and southwards, tomorrow night I'll be in Newcastle.

Oh and apologies to anyone reading this and wondering why I seem to be anywhere but the M62 corridor. I'll be spending a lot more time in Manchester & Leeds over the next few weeks so you may find something of interest if that's your area!

3/10

The Westerwood Hotel & Golf Resort
1 St Andrews Drive
Cumbernauld
G68 0EW
http://www.qhotels.co.uk/hotels/the-westerwood-near-glasgow.aspx