Hanover Street Social, Liverpool

Liverpool gave me the runaround this time last week, or rather, I gave myself the runaround in Liverpool. I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to eat, so long as it was good.

A vague inkling that Asian and spicy might be the way to go led me to the Maharajah, but the enormous void of the restaurant with just two couples hiding away in one corner felt too dispiriting for a solo dining session. I walked in through the door and straight back out again.

Where next, I thought? How about that Japanese place that gets consistently good reviews? A bowl of noodles wouldn't go amiss. So I traipsed across town to Etsu, only to find the reverse situation.They were so busy they couldn't fit me in. At least the traipse across town was a fine one;- Liverpool is really growing on me so I need to spend more time there (and less time on Knowsley Industrial Estate, chance would be a fine thing).

By this stage I was getting weary, I'd been up since five thirty that morning and was craving sustenance, so I gave up on Asian food and ended up in the vicinity of Liverpool One. If all else failed there'd be Salt House or Lunya.

I chanced on Hanover Street Social and remembered reading that it was run by the people behind Salt House Tapas, which seemed like as good an endorsement as any for a quality operation.

Sadly it didn't really turn out that way. It wasn't so much bad, as just a bit slack. I suspect this is a quality operation, but it was as if the B team were on duty for the Tuesday night lull and either couldn't really be bothered or weren't quite up to it.

The good bit first: tiger prawns and Colchester oysters can be had for just £1.25 or £1.50 each (a bit less for the half or dozen), so I had a couple of each. The oysters were spot on; bright, saline and creamy. Properly shucked too so as not to lose the juices. The prawns were also sweet and fresh if a touch overcooked, but went down a treat with very well made aioli and house ketchup.

The cheeseburger, offered cooked medium or well, was where it all went wrong. The burger itself had been overcooked into pointlessness, several stages past medium. It was dry, mealy and not really worth the effort. Why not send it back, you might ask. Well, sometimes I just can't be bothered with the hassle. I'm sure they'd have replaced it with something better without question, but sometimes when you've had a long day the extra ten minutes of time and effort doesn't seem worth it. Get the calories, cut your losses and leave.

Everything served with the burger was what brought to mind the description 'a bit slack'. All of it was perfectly edible but didn't inspire much enthusiasm. Limp fries, tasteless onion rings, catering pack relish and a big pile of undressed rocket. Ho hum.

As I've said I made no complaint, I ate most of the burger to fill myself up before bedtime, not that anyone actually went so far as asking me if everything was ok. I didn't really mind, it saved me the bother of replying 'fine thanks'. Other than that service was perfectly amenable.

Prices are reasonable for this sort of thing, or at least would be if the thing in question were done well. I paid just over twenty quid for the two courses and a glass of wine. I'm sure there's a quality operation lurking here somewhere, and perhaps on another day I'd have found everything wonderful, but a burger meal that was wrong in pretty much every way suggests something's not quite right.

5/10

16-20 Hanover Street
Liverpool
L1 4AA

http://www.hanoverstreetsocial.co.uk/

Northern Food on tour: Self-catering in Spain again

I wouldn't normally choose to holiday twice in the same place in a matter of months, but thanks to the kindness and generosity of others we found ourselves heading off to Malaga once more for a repeat of last September's festivities.

I'm exceedingly grateful that we did because we had just as much fun this time around, but with the added bonus of a) not having all of our documents and stuff stolen, and b) my making a marriage proposal (accepted, thankfully). Good times.

On the eating and drinking front it was largely another self-catering affair, save for a pizza lunch in Nerja, a very average, touristy menu del dia in Granada, and a mini tapas crawl around Malaga (of which more later). We ate the same sort of thing as last time;- plenty of fresh fruit and salads to balance out the inevitable ham, bread and booze.

I'll not bore you with all the details, but here are a few things that were new discoveries or particularly good in spring rather than autumn.

The seasonal goods were all a month or two ahead of Britain, asparagus and strawberries being in particularly fine nick. We bought both in the supermarket, but later spotted strawberries growing locally and being sold at just three euros for an enormous box full.

As an aside it's interesting to note the lack of variety in the Spanish supermarkets, or at least what I perceived to be so. The number of fresh produce lines must be barely a quarter of what you'd find in the average British supermarket, but things are evidently much more seasonal. Asparagus and strawberries were in abundance in April, but were nowhere to be seen in September. Do we really need to be eating such things year round, expensive and air-freighted from Peru, or should we do as the Spanish seem to and gorge on them for pennies, but only when the right time arrives? On the other hand the lack of variety is definitely just that where some things are concerned. Good luck trying to get fresh herbs in a Spanish supermarket.

What is always readily available, and in wondrous, inexplicable variety in even the crappiest stores, is seafood. Especially shellfish. Bigging up Spain for eating seasonally and locally falls down completely when it comes to seafood, as they'll import the stuff from anywhere on the planet so long as it's good.

A bag of plump raw prawns were outstanding dunked in pungent alioli after flash-frying in olive oil with a good grind of salt and pepper. Beautifully sweet and perky, they were even good enough to make me eat a few Chinese-style;- sucking the juice from the heads. The cost of these little beauties? Seven euros something a kilo, which would be plenty for about six people.

My final and most exciting new discovery, and the one most fittingly Spanish given its use of delicious Andalusian booze, is Pedro Ximenez sherry as dessert ingredient. This is hardly a new idea, but the first time I'd got round to trying it.

Pedro Ximenez, or PX as it's commonly known, is the sweetest of all the sherry wines. It's thick, almost treacly with a complex, raisiny flavour. First attempt was PX poured straight over vanilla ice cream. Very good, but there was better to come.

A few recalcitrant plums were the only rubbish fruit we bought, with dry mealy flesh making it a waste of time eating them raw. Cooking a plum often works wonders though, so I quartered them and baked them slowly (they were in a medium oven for over an hour) with a generous pour of the PX. The result, served with more of the same ice cream, was divine. Tender fruit oozing syrupy, umber juice that was rich in dark, tannic flavour. Writing this is making me crave it now. If you see a strange man in Tesco late at night buying sherry, fruit and ice cream that'll probably be me.

This time around we did a little bit more sightseeing, visiting Granada and Malaga. The former really needs no introduction, the Alhambra is one major destination that absolutely lives up to its billing. It's stunning, just go.

Malaga on the other hand is a little hard done by, it doesn't always get the best press but is really rather lovely, especially on a Friday evening when what seems like the entire population is out on the streets enjoying themselves: talking, strolling and eating and drinking rather well. I'm going to write about that tomorrow.

Mint and Mustard, Cardiff

I really ought to have given the website for Mint and Mustard, an upmarket Indian restaurant in the Cardiff suburbs, more than a cursory glance before dining there. Had I done so, I'd have realised that they specialise in Keralan food, and wouldn't have ordered a whole load of North Indian stuff.

Being a bit hungover I was in the mood for a lamb-based feast, when seafood, vegetables and even pork or beef could have been a better plan. Or would have been a better plan, as most of what the others in our group of six ate was better than what I did.

After some poppadums and pickles, complimentary after we had to wait a few minutes for our table, seekh kebabs and onion vadai (in this case the same thing as what most curry houses would call a bhaji) to start. These were just ok, being a good demonstration of the pitfalls of 'posh Indian' restaurant food, in that they looked pretty but tasted dull.

The kebabs were nicely spiced but needed salt and seemed to have been cooked without resort to anything very hot. Surely the whole point to Indian grilled meat is the generous application of fire, spice and salt? Other starters of lamb,venison and prawns in various guises were all declared a great success.

Saag gosht and chicken makhani were both competent, flavour packed dishes. The lamb had a slow-burning, building warmth, and the makhani was smooth, rich and sweet with fenugreek. They weren't half as exciting as what was going on elsewhere on the table though, I got to sample the lot and first mouthfuls suggested there might be some genuinely great food on offer here.

The sauce (pollichathu?) on what I think was a fat hunk of swordfish had an intense flavour that belied it's thin texture, dense with the savoury funk of curry leaves. I'd have drunk it in pints given the opportunity. Another fish dish, sea bass with a tart, bright moilee sauce was almost as good. I wasn't quite so enamoured of a dum pukht biryani, although it tasted great I thought the rice was a bit wet.

There are a whole host of European styled dishes on the menu too, European in the plating sense: large slab of protein, mound of carbs and some veggies on the side. I was suspicious of these, with their various Indian-spiced riffs on the mash theme, but a mouthful of the most succulent, precisely cooked piece of pork, the best bit of meat I've eaten in a while, convinced me they could be worth a shot. Sadly I didn't try the accompanying cassava mash, so whether that was an inspired or daft idea I'm not sure.

Sides of pilau rice and a very light, crisp naan were exemplary, as was service throughout the meal. Including a bottle of wine and six or so beers the bill came to around twenty seven quid each before tip, which seemed reasonable for the quality of the food. Well worth a visit, just remember to head South when making your menu choices. My rating could well have been a couple of points higher had I done so.

7/10


134 Whitchurch Road
Cardiff
CF14 3LZ

http://www.mintandmustard.com/

Livebait, Leeds

FREEBIE ALERT

It's a brave person who takes on a large restaurant in the current economic climate, especially a seafood restaurant in a not particularly prominent location.

Paramount restaurants, the previous owners of Livebait (and other brands) went into administration last year and a start-up group, SBG Restaurants, have now taken on the Leeds and Manchester sites. Although a new company, it appears that SBG is run by people with plenty of experience in the industry, I just hope they're aiming for quality and not the rapid chain expansion that tends to bring about the opposite.

First impressions were good, I liked the cut of their jib when they invited me down to try the new menu. There were none of the subtle (or not so subtle) hints at a favourable review that you sometimes get with this sort of thing, and the menu itself read well too, with just nine starters and nine mains, each of them sounding appetising. According to the website they'll also be seeking Marine Stewardship Council accreditation in the new year.

Of course I accepted the offer, a good seafood restaurant is an asset to any city, so with any luck it'd be good and I'd be able to say positive things about the place. That and I might get to fill my face with shellfish for nowt.

An oyster is always a good test of skill with shellfish. A badly shucked oyster is no fun at all. Gritty, bitty and devoid of juice they can repulse me on the way down, whereas a fat, fresh, properly shucked oyster can be a thing of beauty. 

This one was happily in the latter camp. All the lovely briney juice had been retained and it was plump and cold. With nothing but a squeeze of lemon and a quick chew on the way down it was marvellous.

My starter proper was gazpacho with Whitby crab meat. The soup was great, smooth and bright with a little bite of chilli on the aftertaste. In the unlikely event of a hot summer's day this would be just the thing. The crab was sweet and fresh, but it's delicate taste did get a bit lost in the stronger soup.

AS had the feta cheese, red onion and watermelon salad, also a great summer dish, this time in the tried and tested formula of something cold, sweet and juicy with something salty and savoury (cheese or ham with most fruits I suppose). It worked.

I've eaten plenty of oysters, and quite a lot of crab, but my lobster knowledge is completely lacking. As a consequence you'll have to forgive me for not having a very developed opinion of my lobster thermidor.

The meat was very sweet and mostly tender with the occasional chewier bit. I liked it and thought it worked well with the mustardy sauce and crusty cheese (gruyere or something similar) topping. Being a big fan of fish pie I'm generally in favour of the seafood and cheese combo in certain situations, and this was one of those. The chips, fried to a rustling crispy brown, were tasty but I'd have preferred them cut thinner.

AS had the lamb rump with dauphinoise potatoes, and declared it a success although the meat was perhaps slightly too rare. If you're wondering what the hell she was doing ordering no fish or seafood in a fish and seafood restaurant the annoyance of an allergy is to blame rather than an aversion to the stuff.

My Eton mess was an unexpected highlight. I didn't particularly think much effort would have been made with pudding, but I was wrong. By doing two simple things that many places don't bother with this was an excellent dessert.

Firstly it was made with proper meringue with proper gooey, chewy bits and not the pointless bought in stuff that turns to dust on impact. Secondly it had been recently assembled ensuring that the cream and meringue remained distinct from one another, and not prepped many hours ago and left for everything to soak together into a general sweet mush. Well done.

An affogato was also really very good. Good quality ice cream and a strong espresso. Simple but delicious.

Service was excellent throughout, from Tom the General Manager who looked after us, and from one of the other waitresses. Ok, ok, so this was a complimentary meal and only a handful of other tables were occupied, hardly the most challenging of circumstances in which to look after us, but if they can provide anything like a similar standard at busy times then they're doing very well.

On the prices front, it ain't cheap, but seafood isn't and isn't ever going to be. Once you've got over this fact I'd say the prices at Livebait are probably about right. Starters from £5, mains from £11 through to £35 for a whole lobster, and the wine list has a few bottles for under £20. Our bill would have been around £80 including service, two glasses of a decent Albarino and one of Pinot Noir.

On this evidence I'd definitely return to Livebait and spend my own money. Of course it's hard to tell with a freebie but they have a good team who seem to be doing things the right way, and I'd be very surprised if it didn't turn out to be consistently better than the obvious competition. Give it a try.

11-15 Wharf Street
Leeds
LS2 7EH


http://www.livebaitleeds.com/

Hummingbird Kitchen and Bar, Chapel Allerton, Leeds

Like my meal at Hui Wei the previous week, dinner at Hummingbird didn't quite add up. This time it wasn't the ordering that was at fault, rather what arrived on each plate that resulted in a meal that was disjointed and incoherent. Some of what I ate was really very good, but some things were awful.

After drinks at the bar that included a well kept Kirkstall Brewery pale ale we decided to kick things off with a bottle of Gavi.

Our waiter forgot to fetch the bottle after we'd ordered starters (sorry, small plates) for which he duly apologised with the phrase 'my bad'. You what? Oh you mean you're sorry. Fair enough you've fetched the wine now, are you American? He wasn't.

I thought the world had moved east nowadays and that the Chinese were in charge. Apparently not, American cultural creep is alive and well. My bad? What next, Prom night? Prom night as in end-of-term-disco-succumbed-to-grasping-commercial-avarice. Oh yeah, we've got that now according to the news. Brilliant.

Apologies, rant over, onto the food and I promise not to comment further on the waiting staff's turn of phrase. Not for a few paragraphs anyway. The cod cheeks, my first choice starter (small plate, my bad), were off so I went for the pan seared baby squid, scallop mousse, chorizo croquette, squid ink dressing.

It was the appearance of this, as opposed to the taste, that was a little unnerving. I shan't elaborate, just look at the photo. Bit weird if you ask me. On a positive note the squid itself was tender and the mousse inside very smooth. Returning to a less positive one the chorizo croquette didn't taste much like chorizo.

Some of the other starters deserve a mention, a slow cooked beef hash and a summery pearl barley rissotto with broad beans were both declared a great success.

I've had the crispy chicken with fish combination before and enjoyed it, so was intrigued by the ambitious sounding main of pan roasted hake, prawn paella, chorizo dressing and crispy chicken, at least until our waiter described it as a 'deconstructed paella'. Eh? I'm really not sure about this fad for 'deconstructed' stuff. What does it even mean?

I think I might open a restaurant serving nothing but deconstructed dishes. It will be a cunning ruse designed to persuade people it's all about culinary cleverness, when really it's just 'cos I can't be arsed cooking stuff properly. Deconstructed Shepherd's pie sir? Certainly sir, here's your mince and tatties, best get a shift on we need your table back in two hours.

There's a very good reason a paella is usually served 'constructed'. If it's not then it isn't a paella, it's rice and seafood and meat and some seasonings. Of course, as all this rattled around in my brain I ordered it anyway.

Predictably enough what arrived was three different things on a plate, not interacting with one another in any particularly successful way. The fish was excellent. A large fresh fillet, delicately cooked to just flake and well seasoned. The other stuff was rubbish. The paella had the taste and appearance of overcooked, mushy savoury rice and the chicken drumstick was dry and tasteless. The fourth thing, the chorizo dressing, was definitely on the plate (that would be the orange wet stuff) but didn't taste of anything.

The other mains around our table were better than mine, pork and lamb dishes both being declared very good and not having anything obviously silly on the plate as far as I can tell. I tried a bit of pork belly and it was lovely, with the winning combination of soft moist flesh and proper crackling.

The theme of messing around with a classic to little advantage continued with pudding. Lemon meringue pie brought pastry that was past its best, a nice, tart lemony filling and hardly any meringue. What's the point of lemon meringue pie with hardly any meringue? There were just a few strips of dry, crumbly stuff scattered on the top, none of the unctuous gooey loveliness you'd hope for.

At this point I should say something nice about our waiter for a change. He knew his stuff, being well versed on the range of drinks on offer and suggesting a lovely Pedro Ximenez sherry to have as a dessert wine and digestif. An espresso martini type concoction that one of the others had at this point was also delicious.

We finished up quite quickly after pudding, the lights had been dimmed and the volume cranked up, presumably the bar takes precedence late on weekend nights. Including service we paid £40 each in total, not bad given that it included some pricey drinks.

I think the problem with Hummingbird is that they're trying to be all things to all people. It's a friendly suburban restaurant attempting to combine attempts at fine dining with being a noisy late night bar. It doesn't quite work for me. Someone in the kitchen can cook meat and fish really well, but whoever is in charge of the menu is getting a bit carried away with themselves. Simplify things a bit and they'd be on to a winner. Mind you they're probably on to a winner anyway. The place was heaving so what do I know.

6/10

Stainbeck Corner
Harrogate Road
Chapel Allerton
Leeds
LS7 3PG

http://hummingbirdkitchen.co.uk/

Good things to eat [Volume 10]: A Cornwall special

I didn't get round to visiting Cornwall until I'd passed thirty. I really shouldn't have left it so long.

Last summer I was on the north coast, in and around Newquay. Thereabouts the coastline is expansive; great sandy beaches, craggy cliffs, crashing waves and dunes. I loved it.

This year I was on the south coast, in and around the Fal estuary. Only 20 miles or so away, but completely different. Here everything is estuarine, muddy creeks snaking between low hills and little boats put-putting between tiny, secluded pebbly beaches. Sailing country, not surfing. Different but equally wonderful.

That's my ode to Cornwall done. You really should go. Now what about the food? If I could give you one piece of advice about eating in this part of the world, it's this: eat whatever you can drag alive from the sea.

The highlight, in both eating and 'cooking an agressive live creature for tea' terms was the crab. I'll own up, we didn't catch these ourselves, they were bought from a fisherman straight from his boat. Two rather large and not very happy spider crabs to be precise.

They were dormant while sat in the bucket (I think the fisherman said to keep them upside down to stop them getting frisky) but livened up no end as soon as they were removed.

It's only at this point you realise why they're called spider crabs, look at the length of those legs!

After a bit of a wrestle the crabs lost and were duly dispatched. They were pretty big so needed around half an hour on a rolling boil to cook through, and them came the tricky bit. Extracting all the juicy morsels of flesh from the body, claws and all of those legs was time consuming but very much worth it. A nutcracker came in handy.

I can't think of any imaginative words to describe their flavour, it was just fresh, sweet, crabby and utterly delicious. We did nothing more with it than eat it scooped up in a lettuce leaf or on butttered brown bread. Divine. It was surprisingly plentiful too, the pair giving up enough meat for eight people.

Out of the same estuary came tiny little shrimps, like the ones that usually end up potted. We did catch these, thought I can't claim the credit (that goes to AS's Aunty). They were almost as lovely as the crab, and in the same sort of way, just beautifully sweet and fresh. They're so tiny that removing the shells is nigh on impossible, but pulling off the heads and just crunching away at the rest worked just fine. I also finally developed a liking for the Chinese habit of sucking the goo out of the heads. Yum.

Still on the seafood front we ate some fat fillets of ling one evening. I'd not eaten this fish before but I'd definitely look out for it again. Before cooking it looked similar to a large cod loin, and the taste wasn't a million miles away either, though I thought it was a little more delicate texture and flavour-wise. Simply baked with lemon and herbs it was very enjoyable.

After an afternoon stroll into St Mawes I couldn't resist having crab again, this time a sandwich in the pub. It wasn't bad, but our crab won by a mile. The meat was fresh and sweet, but there wasn't a great deal of it for the price (£9.50) and it hadn't been picked very carefully (I counted three pieces of shell).

We didn't survive on seafood alone, and it's at this point I should thank my girlfriend's (that's AS in case you were wondering) relatives for their hospitality, and for their brilliant cooking. Except for the pub sandwich and my dubious contribution in manhandling a crab everything in this post is their work. Thanks everyone!

Puddings were no afterthought. For three evenings in a row dessert was a celebration of British fruit. For someone who loves our native fruits as much as I do, this was a very good thing. There was a dream of a brioche summer pudding, resplendent and crimson, and a mouth-puckeringly tart gooseberry crumble.

And then there was this, a rhubarb meringue roulade. Think rhubarb fool crossed with pavlova. Add extra cream, then eat far too much of it far too quickly on account of its deliciousness.

I've talked about lunch and tea, but not breakfast. There was more fruit, with yoghurt and granola, but you don't want to hear about that, you want breakfast meat.

Ta da! The best way to cook an enormous fry-up for loads of people is outdoors, in a huge paella pan. Eggs were squeezed in the gaps and the whole lot served from the pan as a centrepiece to the table. 

So there you have it. I can't think of many finer days than one that includes both black pudding and summer pudding, sunshine, crabmeat, and the sea. Go to Cornwall.

Italian Express, Walkley, Sheffield

Walkley is lucky to have that rarest of things, a genuinely good pizza takeaway. Thanks to a recommendation from Clare I found out about Italian Express, handily situated just up the hill from my girlfriend's house.

Describing the place as a pizza takeaway is probably doing it a disservice really, as there's a full restaurant style menu; - pasta, risotto, steaks, fish, the lot, all available to takeaway.

I thought I'd put them to the test by ordering the frittura mista, and having it delivered. An assortment of deep fried seafood delivered to your door from most British takeaways doesn't bear thinking about. Imagine what kind of rank, greasy filth you'd get from your average high street pizza/doner/fried chicken merchant. Uurgghh.

Fortunately the Italian Express frittura mista was anything but greasy filth. First impressions were good, I'd been wondering what the method of packaging would be. How to keep the batter crisp and fresh whilst keeping it hot? The answer, apparently, is to put it in a plastic container but cut a little hole in the corner, large enough to let out the excess steam to prevent sogginess but small enough to not let all of the heat out.

It worked, the batter was very thin, very light and very crisp. There were loads of bouncy prawns, mussels large and small, squid rings that weren't chewy, a few octopus tentacles, and something smaller and unidentifiable (cockles maybe?). Everything tasted fresh, not the very finest quality but it was a generous portion for £5.50.

A Bollente pizza (pepperoni, chilli, peppers, oregano, olive oil) had high quality toppings and a very thin, digestible crust with a good char. It was a little too thin in parts, cracking and slightly biscuity in texture rather than crisp then chewy within, but still went down a treat. The toppings were all present in just the right quantities, and the individual flavours of the cheese, pepperoni and olive oil were all discernable.

The pizza was £7.95 so the total bill came to £15.45 with the £2 delivery charge. You can get far cheaper I'm sure, but it will almost certainly be crap. On balance, this meal ought to serve two people, and under eight quid each for food better than many Italian restaurants serve is good value in my book. Recommended.

8/10

391 South Road
Walkley
Sheffield
S6 3TD

http://www.italian-express.net/

Scholars Restaurant, Barcelo Stirling Highland Hotel, Stirling

Someone in Stirling has got a nasty case of cheffy-itis. Hotels seem to attract chefs with this particular ailment. The most obvious symptom is a tendency to favour ridiculous presentation at the expense of sound cooking skills, which in turn causes the secondary symptom of charging far too much money for mediocre food. Last week during a work trip to Scotland I encountered a particularly serious case.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you scallops with Parmesan risotto, ham hock and pea puree. Before we tackle the food itself, let's discuss the vessel upon which it rests. It was a polished black marble tile, reminiscent of what you might find on the toilet walls in a glammed up Indian restaurant. Personally I'd have preferred a plate. Polished tiles don't tend to hold sauces very well.

The food, to be fair, wasn't all actively bad. Both scallops and risotto were reasonably well cooked, but the whole thing was too salty. The chunks of ham hock were salty, the risotto was salty, the bacon antenna (maybe I wasn't supposed to eat it?) sticking out of the risotto was very salty, and the pea puree was very salty indeed. Fortunately there wasn't very much of the pea puree, which could be best described as a pea wet skid mark on the right hand side of the tile. I'm not sure what the sauce on the scallops was, perhaps it was supposed to be a foam. Whatever it was it had split, resulting in unappetising fatty globules and watery patches shimmering on the tile as if someone were mopping it down at the end of the night. All told a bit of a mess.

I should note at this point that not everyones dinner was being served on a tile. Other people were getting plates. I can only assume the tiles must have been reserved for the specials, from which list my scallops were ordered. Those lucky enough to receive their dinner on a plate, however, were also lucky enough to have their dinner brought to the table under a cloche! Yes that is one of those big silver domes, as if this were dinner with the Queen.

Unfortunately the tiles made a return at dessert. A whisky cheesecake with bourbon soaked strawberries didn't contain any discernable whisky or bourbon, which was probably a good thing. I'm not sure what the strawberry (for there was only one, hiding at the back) had been soaked in, but it was so wizened it must have been soaked in it a long time ago. The cheesecake base was also past its best, being soft and mushy. No-one likes a soggy biscuit. The cheesecake filling was actually rather nice, being light and creamy.

Prices, as you might expect, were high. The two courses, a glass of crap wine and a small tip topped out at over thirty quid. The service was fine.

Why do so many hotels do this? It's as if there's a special checklist for rubbish hotel restaurants. Overpriced? Check. Overwrought, silly presentation? Check. Mediocre food? Check. Pointless service fripperies? Check.

Here's an alternative idea. How about: buy some good food, cook it properly, put it on a plate, bring it to me, charge me a fair price for it. Maybe one day it will catch on. Unfortunately I fear that's wishful thinking. Too many expense accounts, too many people are easily impressed, too captive an audience. I met two of those three criteria. I won't eat there again, but once is enough to keep the coffers ticking over.

4/10

Barcelo Stirling Highland Hotel
Spittal Street
Stirling
FK8 1DU

p.s. for an even worse hotel meal see here.

Thai Mussels

I bought a big bag of Shetland mussels from the market last Friday. They're just coming back into season so I wasn't sure if they'd be up to much, but they looked good and were great value (about four pounds a kilo).

As it turned out they were fantastic; plump, sweet and juicy with very few dodgy ones to discard. Not too gritty or beardy either. I cooked them in a Thai style broth that sort of made them into a light Thai curry. Rice seemed like a more sensible accompaniment than bread or chips. Cheap, delicious and ready in less than half an hour.

I also managed a successful beer match with this dish. I've been attempting beer and food matches on and off for a while now with mixed success, so was really chuffed to get this one right. The tropical fruit notes from the hops worked really well with the coconut broth, and the moderately bitter finish cut through the richness of the dish.

If I'm honest the beer was bloody lovely anyway, I could drink a lot of this with or without food. You can buy the Magic Rock beers at Beer Ritz in Headingley

The Recipe

Serves 2

You will need:

1kg mussels
1 tin coconut milk
Basmati rice or Thai jasmine rice
thumb ginger (or galangal)
3-4 spring onions
1 stick lemongrass
4 cloves garlic
4 hot chillies
fish sauce
1/2 tsp fennel seeds
1 heaped tsp ground coriander
1/2 tsp ground chilli powder
white pepper
2 limes
small bunch coriander
cooking oil

What to do:

1. Cook the rice first. Thai jasmine rice would probably be more authentic, but I love basmati and use it for pretty much everything. This is how I do it: For two people measure out one cup of rice, then put it in a pan with one and a third cups of boiling water. Bring it to the boil on the hob, then put the pan lid on and turn the hob down to the lowest setting.

2. Check to see how the rice is doing after about 6 or 7 minutes. When almost all of the water has been absorbed (usually between 6 & 10 minutes) pour in about a quarter of the coconut milk, then put the lid back on, move the pan off the heat and set aside.

3. While the rice is cooking give your mussels a good rinse under the tap, pulling off any beardy bits. Any that don't close up when you handle them are probably dead already, so you might want to throw them away. Leave them draining in the sink.

4. Finely chop the spring onions, garlic, chillies, lemongrass, ginger, and around a quarter of the stalks from the coriander.

5. Heat a large pan and add a good splash of oil (sunflower or whatever, not olive) then add each of the chopped ingredients one at a time in the same order as they're listed in number 4, stir-frying as you go. Stir-fry the whole lot for about a minute.

6. Add the fennel seeds to the pan and fry for a few seconds before adding the rest of the dry ingredients (ground coriander, chilli powder and good pinch of white pepper), then fry for another minute or so. If it starts to stick add a bit more oil.

7. Pour in the rest of the coconut milk, the juice of one of the limes and a splash of fish sauce (not too much as the mussels will release plenty of briny liquid). Bring to a simmer.

8. As soon as the curry sauce (which is what it is now with any luck) is simmering throw in the mussels and put the lid on immediately. Leave on a medium-high heat for about three minutes.

9. Roughly chop the coriander leaves and plate up your rice (which should be ever so slightly sticky from the coconut allowing you to serve it shaped from a mould Thai style). Be quick, you don't want chewy overdone mussels!

10. Check the mussels after three minutes. Most (if not quite all) of them should have opened up. As soon as the vast majority are open they are done. Pour over the rice with plenty of the sauce, garnish with coriander and wedges of lime and serve immediately.

A Thai style salad

Inspired by a fantastic som tam I ate a few weeks ago, I thought I'd have a go at making my own Thai style salad. I've cooked plenty of Thai curries and stir-fries, but have never tried to do a salad. I think the main thing putting me off was that the key ingredient in a classic som tam is shredded green (i.e. very unripe) papaya, not an ingredient readily available in these parts.

Reading the som tam recipe on this blog encouraged me further, as I learned that som tam means 'sour pound' in Thai, so the dish is essentially something sour, made by pounding the ingredients together. What exactly you put in it is a moveable feast.

The essence of the dish is in the balance of flavours at the heart of so many great Thai dishes. Sweet, sour, salty and hot all need to be in perfect harmony. The vegetables bring textural contrast. I thought that shredded raw courgette and cucumber would work, and it turned out pretty well. The aforementioned balance of flavours from the sugar, lime, fish sauce and chillies, crunchy refreshing veggies, bouncy prawns, pungent garlic and fragrant herbs. An assault on the senses in the very best way. Probably completely inauthentic but very tasty nonetheless.

Here's what you'll need (enough for 2 as a main, 4 as a side or starter)

For the salad:
200g large prawns
2 large courgettes
half a cucumber
4 spring onions
3 large-ish tomatoes
fresh mint
fresh coriander

For the dressing:
Thai fish sauce (loads)
1-2 limes
large thumb sized piece of ginger
2 fat cloves garlic
3-4 small hot chillies (birds eye or bullet)
palm sugar (about 1 tbsp)

What to do:

1. Roughly chop the garlic, ginger and chillies (leave the seeds in, you want it hot).

2. Pound the chopped garlic, ginger and chillies in a pestle and mortar with the rest of the dressing ingredients. This isn't an exact science, you'll need to taste as you go to get the sweet/sour/salty/hot balance right. For starters I'd suggest 3 chillies, 2 cloves of garlic, 1 tbsp palm sugar, juice of 1 lime, a thumb-sized chunk of ginger and 2 tbsps fish sauce. You can then add more lime, sugar, fish sauce or chilli as you see fit.

3. When you've pounded your dressing into a delicious fiery sludgy mess set it to one side to let the flavours marry. Chop the courgettes and cucumber into long, thin shreds. Finely chop the spring onions and roughly chop the tomatoes.

4. Throw the courgettes, cucumber, spring onions and tomatoes into a big bowl and add the prawns. Add the dressing to the bowl and give the whole lot a good mix. Be quite rough, bashing it about a bit so that the vegetables absorb some of the dressing.

5. Finely chop the mint and coriander and add them to the bowl. I used about half of a small bunch of coriander and 10-12 mint leaves, but as with the dressing this is really up to your taste.

6. Give the salad another good mix, check the flavour balance, adjust again if necessary then serve immediately.

Northern Food on tour: Zadar, Croatia

Last weekend I visited Croatia for the first time. A friend has a friend who is opening a hostel out there, so we thought we'd go over and check the place out. Ryanair flights from Stansted weighed in at a frankly ridiculous £33 each (return, including all the extras) so it almost seemed rude not to.

First the travelogue bit. Zadar is a lovely city. It has a compact, historic old town, a scenic waterfront with views of mountains and islands, and plenty of lively bars and restaurants. The people are friendly and most of the women are very beautiful (many of them slightly intimidating six-and-a-half feet tall goddesses). I can't comment on the menfolk but I'm sure they are lovely too. There is loads to see in the surrounding countryside as well, with some rather stunning looking national parks. I'm definitely planning a return visit to the Balkans.

That's my promotional piece done for the tourist board (cheque in Sterling payable to D Williams please). Now down to business. Was the food any good? It was good, but not great. We didn't dine anywhere terrible, but nowhere was amazing either. Most of our meals were eaten in a Konoba, the Croatian word for a casual bar/restaurant. Most of these places advertised a fairly generic menu that give or take a few local specialities you could find in anywhere vaguely touristy and Mediterranean. A few pizzas, a few pasta dishes, several meat and fish dishes mostly served with chips and salad. There may well be better food out there, but this wasn't really a foodie trip and we didn't seek it out.

Breakfast: strong fags not pictured



Away from the restaurants the Italian influence is even more pronounced. Takeaway pizza is everywhere, as is Gelato style ice-cream. Breakfast also seems to be in the coffee/pastry/cigarette style beloved of the Italians. We ate a couple of pizza slices which were really good, and the coffee was great too. The pastries seemed a bit hit and miss and I wasn't impressed by the ice cream. The two we ate were both mass produced and a bit artificial tasting. Maybe we didn't chance upon the good stuff.

Ice cream: that's squirty cream on top. It's not Mr Whippy

On the booze front the beer is all standard 5% any lager, of which Karlovačko seems to be the most popular and easiest to pronounce. For fans of the strong stuff there are numerous potions available that will blow your head off, including the Maraschino cherry liqeur which is local to the area. Jägermeister is also very popular. The hostel guys have made friends with the local club owner so we got to hang out in the VIP area and order Jäger by the litre. Because drinking Jäger by the litre is what Very Important People do obviously.

Here is a summary of the main meals that we ate:

Konoba Stomorica

Our first meal got off to a poor start. In need of rehydration we both ordered soup. Tomato for me and Meat for my mate. Mmm meat soup.

I'm 99% certain that both of these soups were straight from a packet. The meat soup was probably a packet of chicken noodle soup in case you were wondering.

The mains were much better. I had the Dalmatian beef stew with gnocchi. The beef was rather tough and I left half of it, but the stew was really concentrated and packed with flavour (probably wine based I think), and the gnocchi were light rather than stodgy.

Service was dour but efficient. The bill came to about £11 each for two courses and a drink.

5/10

Konoba Dalmatia

We ate here on Saturday evening before the big night out, so needed something sturdy to set us up for the evening. Three mixed grills and three large beers then please. There were actually three of us at this point, we didn't get one each plus an extra to share.

The mixed grills consisted mostly of pork. Pork chop, pork steak, two types of sausage and a bit of chicken for variety. And plenty of chips. The meat wasn't overcooked. Not much more to say really. It did the job.

Service here was much better. Our waitress was really friendly and gets bonus points for fetching us out some free shots of local firewater. It was horrid but did warm us up a bit. We paid about £11 each again, but with more beer and a generous tip this time.

7/10

Konoba Vrulje

Sunday afternoon and it was high time that we sampled some seafood, for which the Dalmatian coast is renowned (according to Lonely Planet anyway).

A starter of marinated anchovies was fine, but the star of the day was a bowl of black cuttlefish soup.

Once you got past the weirdness of eating black food (I know there are other black foods, liquorice or whatever, but not in soup form there aren't) this was delicious. The seafood stock base of the soup was rich and perfectly seasoned and the pieces of cuttlefish were tender.

A shared platter of grilled seafood was a bit hit and miss. The shellfish (mussels, crayfish) were about two days past their best and a whole grilled fish (not sure what it was, maybe small bream?) also wasn't very fresh. The tuna was ok, but the calamari were excellent. The batter was crisp and light and they weren't in the least chewy. Very moreish with a squeeze of lemon and good sprinkling of salt.

The service was fine. Two courses, salad and a drink was about £18 each.

6/10

Restaurant Bruschetta

The final meal of the trip was probably the best, quality wise. We had planned to just grab a pizza or pasta dish at one of the cheaper, more casual places but most of them were shut on Sunday night. Bruschetta is one of the posher places in town, but prices are still reasonable. Greed took over and we accidentally ordered three starters to kick things off.

Clockwise from the top we have a mozzarella, tomato and rocket salad, a plate of cheese (a local speciality from the island of Pag just up the road) and a mixed plate of fishy patés and various other bits and pieces. All of this was good, particularly the very rich creamed cod paté and the cheese which was a grower. It seemed a bit dull at first, but was actually quite complex. The interior was mild and nutty, but the harder bits towards the crust were stronger with an almost 'blue' taste. The menu claimed it was a goat's cheese, but I think they messed up the translation. Sheep's I reckon.

Pasta mains of penne with tuna, tomato and capers, and tagliatelle with chicken, courgettes and cream were both fine though my pasta was a touch overcooked. The portions were colossal so we were a bit overfaced after eating half a loaf of bread apiece with the starters.

The service here was very good if a bit slow at times. We paid about £16 each including one drink.

7/10